Sup bitches. I'm Ellen and I'm awesome <3 I like things. The things I like can be found here. If we like the same things then I like you too.

Fat Cat Heart Attacks

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ellendegeneres:

Noah has a close encounter with a Triceratops

sorayachemaly:

This should be posted in school hallways.

botherandbefuddle:

zourrifying:

reason to not become an adult

  • you can’t use the ‘my mum said i can’t go’ excuse to blow someone off

my mom has invited me over for dinner

my mom needs help with furniture

my mom just got a new phone and needs my help

my mom spoke to me from the grave and told me u need to stop inviting me out

*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
*period is late*: shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary
me: walks into living room
tv: tonight on how its made
me: stands in same spot for 30 minutes watching how garbage bags are made

punkrockbetty:

whirra:

i just fucking wanted the one

hahaha

k1mkardashian:

ariana grande reminds me of the annoying girl at school with mediocre vocals that always gets asked to sing the national anthem or something for school events 

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